Manuscrit

Actualité

J’ai souvent évoqué ici mon activité d’écriture sans entrer dans les détails. Sans doute parce que je savais que je n’étais pas digne d’être publié. L’absence de réaction des éditeurs sollicités avec mes manuscrits ou leurs commentaires négatifs me laissaient croire que je n’avais pas les qualités nécessaires. N’ayant aucune chance d’avoir le moindre succès, le mieux était de rester discret sur mon ambition d’écrivain.

Pourtant, j’ai d’autres échos, chaleureux pour ne pas dire enthousiastes – restons modeste – de personnes plus proches qui sont étrangères au monde de l’édition. Qu’en penser ?

Un ami libraire, éditeur et journaliste à ses heures, après avoir lu un de mes récents manuscrits et l’avoir transmis sans succès pour une édition à une de ses connaissances bien placée, me conseilla fortement d’écrire le témoignage de mon existence. Le genre est porteur, paraît-il. L’exercice est exigeant, mais il est profitable pour son auteur. Écrire un témoignage est une manière de relire sa vie, dans un cadre strict qui évite les digressions stériles ou ennuyeuses. Une relecture est particulièrement enrichissante. Surtout quand sa vie a été chahutée, des événements prennent sens, une harmonie se découvre.

Je l’ai fait. Puis fidèle à ma démarche, j’ai « recruté » un comité de lecture. Je viens d’adresser à chacun un exemplaire. Cette action marque une étape importante dans le processus d’écriture et de diffusion. En effet, à partir de ce moment, mon manuscrit m’échappe. D’autres vont en prendre connaissance. Mais surtout, d’autres vont appliquer à mon style, mon vocabulaire, mon rythme, mes appréciations, un autre regard que le mien. À partir de ce moment, mon livre ne m’appartient plus.

C’est un sentiment étrange que d’être ainsi dépossédé de son œuvre. J’y ai consacré du temps, de l’énergie, et qui plus est, par son contenu, elle est un peu moi-même. J’ai l’impression en communiquant mon manuscrit, de me livrer, comme un malfaiteur qui se rendrait à la justice.

Dieu merci, je pense n’avoir rien fait de mal. Mais ce sentiment de dépouillement, à l’occasion d’un tel investissement personnel, est un rappel à l’ordre salutaire. Travailler les mots, les arranger, essayer une autre tournure, gommer, recommencer plus tard : cet acharnement pourrait donner un sentiment de toute-puissance. Livrer mon manuscrit à un tiers me ramène à ma simple condition : ma vocation n’est pas de dominer les autres fut-ce avec un témoignage pour convaincre je ne sais qui avec je ne sais quoi. Ce que je vis à l’occasion de cette relecture me rappelle que mon existence est comme une fleur qui compose l’immense bouquet de toutes les vies humaines, présentes, mais aussi passées et futures. Un bouquet qui sera offert quand arrivera le point Oméga que Teilhard a entrevu.

Après les multiples « petites » morts qui jalonnent nos vies, notre mort pourrait être alors l’occasion de joindre notre fleur de vie à ce bouquet.

Daniel DUBOIS

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Tous droits réservés © Daniel Dubois – Décines, 2015

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