Le pardon (2)

Je poursuit ma réflexion précédente sur le pardon, en m’autorisant, vu le sujet, une longueur inhabituelle pour ces billets.

On entend souvent « pas de pardon sans aveu » ; c’est excessif car l’aveu est du domaine de l’instruction en vue d’un procès. Nous allons donc dans un premier temps rapprocher procès et pardon pour bien les distinguer et voir leurs relations. En prolongement, nous parlerons ensuite des pardons ‘impossibles’ quand un des deux, agresseur ou victime, n’est plus là ou ne répond plus.

Le procès juge un accusé présumé innocent pour l’innocenter ou le condamner à une réparation, et parfois à une peine. Le pardon, comme nous l’avons vu, est l’évolution d’une relation initiée par l’offense, vers la liberté de la victime et de son agresseur. Le procès accueille dans un prétoire – le tribunal – des témoignages, des rapports, des accusations, des défenses, et au bout du compte, l’énoncé d’un jugement : que des paroles ! Le pardon, quant à lui, procède d’un questionnement intime : la phase préliminaire vaut pour la victime – « Pourquoi ne pas pardonner ? » – aussi bien que pour l’agresseur : « Pourquoi ne pas demander pardon ? » Ensuite, le pardon est dialogue, c’est à dire une communication aussi importante par son contenu que par son déroulement. La délicate précision de ce déroulement est favorisée là aussi par un tiers, accompagnateur ou médiateur. Les deux démarches, procès et pardon, sont donc indépendantes, en ce sens que le pardon ne dépend pas du résultat du procès, et inversement. Mais l’un peut influencer l’autre comme par exemple un pardon échangé peut adoucir la décision des jurés d’une Cour d’assises.

Dans un procès, ce qui oppose une victime à son agresseur demande à être qualifié par un tiers, le juge. En général, c’est la victime qui lance l’action. Dans le processus de pardon, la première étape est l’acceptation de la réalité de l’offense et de ses conséquences, la fin d’un déni éventuel posé comme une protection. Acceptation tant par la victime que par l’agresseur. Un inventaire plutôt qu’une action.

Ensuite, le procès, à la demande du juge, cherche à recueillir l’aveu de l’agresseur : reconnaît-il avoir commis un acte qui se concrétise par une offense pour sa victime ? Reconnaît-il sa responsabilité, c’est-à-dire avoir été libre et autonome pour poser cet acte, et accepter d’en porter la charge à la place de la victime (symboliquement, bien souvent) ? C’est le juge qui conclut, avec ou sans aveu, à cette responsabilité et à la matérialité de la réparation. Des faits et éventuellement des ressentis ont alors été mis en mots pour être libérés de leur violence.

La démarche de pardon, quant à elle, peut se nourrir des débats du procès. Mais strictement, la reconnaissance de responsabilité n’ajoute rien à la demande de pardon. De même, un innocent peut, et doit, demander pardon pour le mal fait, malgré qu’il n’en soit pas responsable et qu’il n’aura pas à réparer, car il est acteur dans le lien créé par l’offense ; c’est autre chose que de présenter des excuses. L’offense, un fait objectif, a créé une relation morbide entre le fauteur et sa victime. La demande de pardon veut faire évoluer cette relation vers une liberté réciproque.

Dans un procès comme dans un processus de pardon, l’agresseur est toujours considéré comme distinct de sa faute : il n’est pas un voleur, il a commis un vol ; ce qui est tout différent et permet de ne pas enfermer ni l’agresseur dans le moment de son acte, ni la victime dans son offense et ses conséquences. Pour que la vie continue et que des projets, tant chez l’un que chez l’autre, soient possibles. C’est la banalisation de la culpabilité dans notre culture occidentale qui nous amène à confondre identité (voleur) et comportement (vol). Il serait temps d’en prendre conscience pour adopter une attitude élémentaire de respect.

Mais alors, comment faire une démarche de pardon quand l’un des deux vient à disparaître ?

Une image permet de poser le problème. L’offense qui initie la relation entre un agresseur et sa victime, est comparable à un foulard que chacun tient par un bout. Le processus de pardon peut commencer quand les deux prennent conscience de tenir ce foulard. Dans le pardon donné, la victime lâche le foulard ; dans le pardon accepté, l’agresseur le lâche à son tour. Le foulard tombe à terre sans tomber dans l’oubli. Mais chacun est devenu libre d’aller sur le chemin de sa vie sans être attaché à l’autre.

Supposons maintenant qu’un des protagonistes attache l’extrémité du foulard qu’il tient, à un anneau fixé dans un mur et s’en aille. Lui est libre, apparemment, avec cette affaire. Mais l’autre non. Cet autre peut lâcher le foulard à son tour et beaucoup de petites offenses se résolvent, heureusement, de cette manière. Le bon sens populaire confirme qu’il n’y avait pas de quoi fouetter un chat. Dont acte.

Celui qui reste, refusant de lâcher son foulard, peut aussi chercher à arracher l’anneau, voire à dynamiter le mur dans lequel il est scellé. Engrenage de violence que les vendettas des mafias, malheureusement, illustrent parfaitement. Engrenage que la loi du Talion (œil pour œil, dent pour dent) limitant l’importance de la réaction à l’importance de l’offense, a depuis longtemps essayé d’enrayer.

Mais comment se libérer de la relation morbide créée par l’offense quand la relation est rompue par la disparition d’un deux protagonistes ? comment donner son pardon quand l’offenseur est devenu incapable d’exprimer sa demande ? ou qu’il n’est plus là pour recevoir ce pardon ? ou quand la victime ne peut plus entendre la demande de pardon ou y répondre ?

Toutes ces questions sont semblables en fait. Elles posent le problème de l’évolution d’une relation à deux vers une situation de solitude. La question n’est plus de demander pardon ou de donner son pardon. Il s’agit, dans cette relation créée par l’offense, de faire le deuil du partenaire. Faire le deuil, c’est-à-dire passer par ces phases incontournables que sont la sidération, le déni, la révolte, le marchandage, la déprime pour arriver finalement à accepter la disparition de l’autre, celui par qui ma libération pouvait advenir. Pour considérer au final que cette relation basée sur l’offense passée n’est plus une relation mais une affaire dont moi, son ‘survivant’, reste le seul maître. Et qu’il me revient de traiter seul. Le foulard est là dans mes mains. En général, c’est dans la déprime que l’offense peut s’en aller avec le disparu, pour que celui qui reste accepte maintenant de vivre sa vie sans l’offense. Celle-ci n’est pas oubliée, mais elle n’est plus un lien mortifère. Le pardon peut alors être demandé sans que la victime puisse l’entendre, ou donné sans que l’agresseur puisse le recevoir ou l’accepter. Dans cette conclusion, le foulard rejoint le disparu.

Beaucoup de traumatismes refoulés, souvent subis dans l’enfance, ressemblent à ces offenses dont le pardon semble impossible. Un chemin de solution pourrait être de traiter ces traumatismes comme des offenses à pardonner malgré l’absence de leur auteur.

Daniel DUBOIS

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Tous droits réservés © Daniel Dubois – Décines, 2014

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