Le pardon (2)

L'être humain,

Je poursuit ma réflexion précédente sur le pardon, en m’autorisant, vu le sujet, une longueur inhabituelle pour ces billets.

On entend souvent « pas de pardon sans aveu » ; c’est excessif car l’aveu est du domaine de l’instruction en vue d’un procès. Nous allons donc dans un premier temps rapprocher procès et pardon pour bien les distinguer et voir leurs relations. En prolongement, nous parlerons ensuite des pardons ‘impossibles’ quand un des deux, agresseur ou victime, n’est plus là ou ne répond plus.

Le procès juge un accusé présumé innocent pour l’innocenter ou le condamner à une réparation, et parfois à une peine. Le pardon, comme nous l’avons vu, est l’évolution d’une relation initiée par l’offense, vers la liberté de la victime et de son agresseur. Le procès accueille dans un prétoire – le tribunal – des témoignages, des rapports, des accusations, des défenses, et au bout du compte, l’énoncé d’un jugement : que des paroles ! Le pardon, quant à lui, procède d’un questionnement intime : la phase préliminaire vaut pour la victime – « Pourquoi ne pas pardonner ? » – aussi bien que pour l’agresseur : « Pourquoi ne pas demander pardon ? » Ensuite, le pardon est dialogue, c’est à dire une communication aussi importante par son contenu que par son déroulement. La délicate précision de ce déroulement est favorisée là aussi par un tiers, accompagnateur ou médiateur. Les deux démarches, procès et pardon, sont donc indépendantes, en ce sens que le pardon ne dépend pas du résultat du procès, et inversement. Mais l’un peut influencer l’autre comme par exemple un pardon échangé peut adoucir la décision des jurés d’une Cour d’assises.

Dans un procès, ce qui oppose une victime à son agresseur demande à être qualifié par un tiers, le juge. En général, c’est la victime qui lance l’action. Dans le processus de pardon, la première étape est l’acceptation de la réalité de l’offense et de ses conséquences, la fin d’un déni éventuel posé comme une protection. Acceptation tant par la victime que par l’agresseur. Un inventaire plutôt qu’une action.

Ensuite, le procès, à la demande du juge, cherche à recueillir l’aveu de l’agresseur : reconnaît-il avoir commis un acte qui se concrétise par une offense pour sa victime ? Reconnaît-il sa responsabilité, c’est-à-dire avoir été libre et autonome pour poser cet acte, et accepter d’en porter la charge à la place de la victime (symboliquement, bien souvent) ? C’est le juge qui conclut, avec ou sans aveu, à cette responsabilité et à la matérialité de la réparation. Des faits et éventuellement des ressentis ont alors été mis en mots pour être libérés de leur violence.

La démarche de pardon, quant à elle, peut se nourrir des débats du procès. Mais strictement, la reconnaissance de responsabilité n’ajoute rien à la demande de pardon. De même, un innocent peut, et doit, demander pardon pour le mal fait, malgré qu’il n’en soit pas responsable et qu’il n’aura pas à réparer, car il est acteur dans le lien créé par l’offense ; c’est autre chose que de présenter des excuses. L’offense, un fait objectif, a créé une relation morbide entre le fauteur et sa victime. La demande de pardon veut faire évoluer cette relation vers une liberté réciproque.

Dans un procès comme dans un processus de pardon, l’agresseur est toujours considéré comme distinct de sa faute : il n’est pas un voleur, il a commis un vol ; ce qui est tout différent et permet de ne pas enfermer ni l’agresseur dans le moment de son acte, ni la victime dans son offense et ses conséquences. Pour que la vie continue et que des projets, tant chez l’un que chez l’autre, soient possibles. C’est la banalisation de la culpabilité dans notre culture occidentale qui nous amène à confondre identité (voleur) et comportement (vol). Il serait temps d’en prendre conscience pour adopter une attitude élémentaire de respect.

Mais alors, comment faire une démarche de pardon quand l’un des deux vient à disparaître ?

Une image permet de poser le problème. L’offense qui initie la relation entre un agresseur et sa victime, est comparable à un foulard que chacun tient par un bout. Le processus de pardon peut commencer quand les deux prennent conscience de tenir ce foulard. Dans le pardon donné, la victime lâche le foulard ; dans le pardon accepté, l’agresseur le lâche à son tour. Le foulard tombe à terre sans tomber dans l’oubli. Mais chacun est devenu libre d’aller sur le chemin de sa vie sans être attaché à l’autre.

Supposons maintenant qu’un des protagonistes attache l’extrémité du foulard qu’il tient, à un anneau fixé dans un mur et s’en aille. Lui est libre, apparemment, avec cette affaire. Mais l’autre non. Cet autre peut lâcher le foulard à son tour et beaucoup de petites offenses se résolvent, heureusement, de cette manière. Le bon sens populaire confirme qu’il n’y avait pas de quoi fouetter un chat. Dont acte.

Celui qui reste, refusant de lâcher son foulard, peut aussi chercher à arracher l’anneau, voire à dynamiter le mur dans lequel il est scellé. Engrenage de violence que les vendettas des mafias, malheureusement, illustrent parfaitement. Engrenage que la loi du Talion (œil pour œil, dent pour dent) limitant l’importance de la réaction à l’importance de l’offense, a depuis longtemps essayé d’enrayer.

Mais comment se libérer de la relation morbide créée par l’offense quand la relation est rompue par la disparition d’un deux protagonistes ? comment donner son pardon quand l’offenseur est devenu incapable d’exprimer sa demande ? ou qu’il n’est plus là pour recevoir ce pardon ? ou quand la victime ne peut plus entendre la demande de pardon ou y répondre ?

Toutes ces questions sont semblables en fait. Elles posent le problème de l’évolution d’une relation à deux vers une situation de solitude. La question n’est plus de demander pardon ou de donner son pardon. Il s’agit, dans cette relation créée par l’offense, de faire le deuil du partenaire. Faire le deuil, c’est-à-dire passer par ces phases incontournables que sont la sidération, le déni, la révolte, le marchandage, la déprime pour arriver finalement à accepter la disparition de l’autre, celui par qui ma libération pouvait advenir. Pour considérer au final que cette relation basée sur l’offense passée n’est plus une relation mais une affaire dont moi, son ‘survivant’, reste le seul maître. Et qu’il me revient de traiter seul. Le foulard est là dans mes mains. En général, c’est dans la déprime que l’offense peut s’en aller avec le disparu, pour que celui qui reste accepte maintenant de vivre sa vie sans l’offense. Celle-ci n’est pas oubliée, mais elle n’est plus un lien mortifère. Le pardon peut alors être demandé sans que la victime puisse l’entendre, ou donné sans que l’agresseur puisse le recevoir ou l’accepter. Dans cette conclusion, le foulard rejoint le disparu.

Beaucoup de traumatismes refoulés, souvent subis dans l’enfance, ressemblent à ces offenses dont le pardon semble impossible. Un chemin de solution pourrait être de traiter ces traumatismes comme des offenses à pardonner malgré l’absence de leur auteur.

Daniel DUBOIS

pdf Version PDF

Tous droits réservés © Daniel Dubois – Décines, 2014

11 550 réflexions au sujet de « Le pardon (2) »

  250. Hello there! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be okay.

    I’m undoubtedly enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.

  252. drug information and news for professionals and consumers. Commonly Used Drugs Charts.
    ivermectin canada
    All trends of medicament. drug information and news for professionals and consumers.

  385. Nice blog here! Also your web site loads up very fast!
    What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link
    to your host? I wish my website loaded up as fast as yours lol

  391. Prescription Drug Information, Interactions & Side. Comprehensive side effect and adverse reaction information.
    https://canadianfast.com/# ed meds online without doctor prescription
    Best and news about drug. What side effects can this medication cause?

  404. п»їMedicament prescribing information. Learn about the side effects, dosages, and interactions.
    https://canadianfast.com/# canadian drug pharmacy
    Some are medicines that help people when doctors prescribe. safe and effective drugs are available.

  415. You actually make it seem really easy together with your presentation however I in finding this
    matter to be actually one thing that I believe I might by no means understand.

    It seems too complicated and very huge for me. I am having
    a look forward to your subsequent submit, I will try to get the cling of it!

  424. Hi there, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam comments?

    If so how do you reduce it, any plugin or anything you can advise?
    I get so much lately it’s driving me crazy so any assistance
    is very much appreciated.

  430. I don’t even know how I finished up here, however I
    assumed this publish used to be great. I don’t
    recognize who you are however definitely you’re going to a famous blogger if
    you happen to aren’t already. Cheers!

  443. Someone essentially help to make critically articles I might
    state. That is the first time I frequented your website page and thus far?
    I surprised with the analysis you made to create this actual publish
    incredible. Great job!

  465. Today, while I was at work, my sister stole my apple
    ipad and tested to see if it can survive a thirty foot
    drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now broken and she has 83 views.
    I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

  500. Read information now. Drugs information sheet.

    zithromax coupon
    Learn about the side effects, dosages, and interactions. Prescription Drug Information, Interactions & Side.

  511. Just desire to say your article is as astounding. The clearness
    in your post is simply great and i could assume you’re an expert
    on this subject. Well with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to
    keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry
    on the gratifying work.

  513. I am now not sure where you’re getting your info,
    but great topic. I needs to spend a while studying more or understanding more.
    Thank you for magnificent info I was looking for this info for my
    mission.

  520. You made some good points there. I looked on the internet for more information about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your
    views on this web site.

  522. We stumbled over here from a different web page and thought I might
    check things out. I like what I see so now i am following you.
    Look forward to looking over your web page repeatedly.

  548. I’ve been browsing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
    It is pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all webmasters
    and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be much more useful than ever before.

  554. Just desire to say your article is as amazing.
    The clarity in your post is just excellent and i can assume you’re an expert on this subject.
    Well with your permission let me to grab your feed to keep up to date
    with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the gratifying work.

  559. Excellent goods from you, man. I have keep in mind your stuff prior to
    and you’re simply too fantastic. I really like what you’ve bought here,
    really like what you are stating and the way in which wherein you say it.

    You are making it entertaining and you still care for to keep it smart.
    I can not wait to learn far more from you. This is really a
    terrific web site.

  564. obviously like your web site however you have to test the
    spelling on several of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling problems and I find it very bothersome to inform the truth on the other hand I will surely
    come back again.

  575. I was excited to discover this great site. I want to to thank you for
    your time for this particularly wonderful read!!
    I definitely liked every little bit of it and
    I have you saved as a favorite to see new things on your blog.

  578. Hello! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from an established blog.
    Is it very hard to set up your own blog? I’m not
    very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast.
    I’m thinking about creating my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any ideas or suggestions?
    Appreciate it

  585. My brother suggested I would possibly like this blog. He was
    entirely right. This submit truly made my day. You can not imagine simply
    how so much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

  587. Hello! I could have sworn I’ve visited your blog before but after going through
    a few of the posts I realized it’s new to me. Anyhow, I’m definitely happy I discovered it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back frequently!

  592. I like the valuable information you provide in your articles.
    I’ll bookmark your weblog and check again here frequently.
    I’m quite sure I will learn a lot of new stuff right here!

    Good luck for the next!

  599. Wow that was odd. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but after I clicked submit my
    comment didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Regardless, just wanted to say excellent blog!

  600. You can certainly see your skills within the work you write.
    The world hopes for even more passionate writers such as you who
    are not afraid to say how they believe. At all times go after your
    heart.

  607. I like the helpful info you provide on your articles.

    I will bookmark your blog and take a look at again right here
    frequently. I am moderately certain I’ll be told many new stuff
    right right here! Good luck for the following!

  611. When some one searches for his necessary thing, so he/she desires to be available that in detail,
    thus that thing is maintained over here.

  618. Hello just wanted to give you a quick heads up.
    The text in your post seem to be running off the screen in Ie.

    I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do with web
    browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know.
    The design and style look great though! Hope
    you get the issue fixed soon. Thanks

  628. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme.

    Did you design this website yourself or did you hire someone to do
    it for you? Plz answer back as I’m looking to create
    my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from.
    many thanks

  633. Have you ever considered writing an ebook or guest authoring on other websites?
    I have a blog centered on the same subjects you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information. I know my viewers
    would enjoy your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an email.

  634. Любое знание человек подвергает проверке, дабы убедиться в его достоверности.
    Возникает вопрос: на что
    же опирается вера человека в существование высшей
    силы? Одним из важных оснований этой веры является авторитетность древнего знания, знания предков; также это артефакты, оставшиеся
    от того времени и, наконец, неодобрение самим обществом возможности поиска доказательств, подтверждающих существования высшей силы.
    способы

  641. This is the perfect webpage for everyone who really wants to
    understand this topic. You understand so much its almost tough to argue with you (not that I really will need to…HaHa).
    You definitely put a new spin on a subject that has been written about for a long time.
    Excellent stuff, just great!

  645. Hello, I think your blog might be having browser compatibility issues.
    When I look at your blog in Chrome, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
    I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, very good blog!

  659. Heya i am for the first time here. I found this
    board and I find It really useful & it helped me out
    a lot. I hope to give something back and help others like you aided me.

  662. This begs the question were the riddles too easy given The Riddler s whole deal. The most experienced seed companies have people who are at the top of their profession with several decades of practical knowledge producing the best quality cannabis seeds. Whether you re a student at New Mexico State University, born and raised in Las Cruces or new to the city, there are tons of cool places to check out and awesome things to do. https://cs.finescale.com/members/weed-seed-bank/default.aspx

  664. First off I would like to say fantastic blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you don’t mind.

    I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your thoughts
    before writing. I have had difficulty clearing my thoughts in getting my thoughts out
    there. I truly do take pleasure in writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are usually wasted
    simply just trying to figure out how to begin.
    Any recommendations or tips? Kudos!

  669. It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d definitely donate to this excellent blog!

    I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding
    your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to new updates and will share this site with my Facebook group.

    Chat soon!

  672. I would like to use the chance of thanking you for the professional suggestions I have constantly enjoyed
    viewing your site. I will be looking forward to the particular commencement of my university research and the entire preparation would
    never have been complete without consulting your
    blog. If I could be of any assistance to others,
    I’d be thankful to help through what I have discovered
    from here.

  674. The seedlings are ready to go in plant containers once they ve spread out their first set of serrated leaves to about the width of the Rapid Rooter. In fact, the cultivation techniques for this plant vary depending on who you ask, although they adapt easily to all media, whether in soil, coconut or hydroponic; and techniques based on training, ties, grips or super cropping , among others, can be applied without problems. For most, its landmarks like the Sacred Heart Cathedral and the Eastman Theater that make Rochester such a great place to visit. https://www.kadenze.com/users/hybrid-weed-seeds

  677. Note that the moist cotton pads were placed on a dinner plate and the plate was sealed with transparent kitchen film. 1995 observed two DNA fragments 500 and 730 bp in size to be present in male plants and absent in female plants. Growing your own marijuana is a rewarding experience that can be therapeutic in its own right and a fun way to pass the time stuck at home. https://www.kadenze.com/users/organic-weed-seeds

  706. If you don t do that and claim the bonus, you won t be able to use the promotional funds or free spins. Cashback Offers 20 Reload Spins 400 Bonus. This bonus are valid for all new players from UK, Australia, New Zealand, USA, Germany, Ireland, Sweden, and Norway. https://surveyking.com/w/juuzt1i

  707. If you are going for best contents like me, simply go to see this web page every
    day because it provides quality contents, thanks

  713. Greetings! I’ve been following your site for a long time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you
    a shout out from Huffman Texas! Just wanted to say keep up the excellent job!

  714. The site also offers a loyalty program whereby customers can earn points that can be redeemed for cash or prizes. At the time, the regulatory chief Philip Crawford said The institutional arrogance of this company has been breathtaking. One example of a 5 reel slot is White Rabbit. https://www.zintro.com/profile/zic057bebd

  720. Somebody essentially help to make seriously posts I might state.
    That is the very first time I frequented your website page
    and up to now? I amazed with the analysis you made to create this actual submit amazing.

    Fantastic process!

  738. They re trying to prevent the spread of COVID-19, which threatens to overwhelm the US healthcare system in the coming weeks. Until the end of flowering, always water them with tap water – pH 6 – although if you stimulate their flowering with an activator like Green Hope, your plants will definitely appreciate that. Once the roots are a few millimetres long, they are ready to be delicately transferred to a small container filled with your growing medium of choice rockwool, coco-fibre, or soil. https://www.kadenze.com/users/best-cbd-oil-to-increase-appetite

  745. For that, choose the sunniest spot with a bit of space around as cannabis can get big outdoors. Yes, you re right, as the days get longer, the plants will start to revegetate. When exposed to moisture and warmth, the seed will naturally activate, and begin using its stored food to develop a taproot and push up from the grow medium. https://www.kadenze.com/users/trip-cbd-oil

  751. Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme of this website.
    It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s challenging to get that « perfect balance »
    between usability and visual appeal. I must say that you’ve done a superb job with
    this. In addition, the blog loads super quick for me on Safari.
    Exceptional Blog!

  758. Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your blog?

    My blog is in the very same area of interest as yours and my users
    would truly benefit from a lot of the information you
    present here. Please let me know if this okay with you.

    Thanks!

  779. Wonderful blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo News.

    Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo
    News? I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there!
    Appreciate it

  788. I blog quite often and I seriously thank you for your content.
    This article has truly peaked my interest.

    I am going to bookmark your website and keep checking for
    new details about once a week. I opted in for your Feed
    as well.

  791. We’re a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme
    in our community. Your website provided us with valuable info to work on. You have done a formidable
    job and our whole community will be grateful to you.

  792. The other day, while I was at work, my cousin stole my
    iPad and tested to see if it can survive a 40 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now
    broken and she has 83 views. I know this is completely off topic
    but I had to share it with someone!

  808. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be really something which I think I would never understand.
    It seems too complicated and very broad for me.
    I’m looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!